Addressing the "whys" of children: How to explain disability

We often witness the embarrassment of many adults when a child encounters people with disabilities and asks extremely direct and precise questions. These questions are often dismissed by parents with hasty explanations that aim to gloss over the topic and change the subject—primarily to prevent their children from asking further questions to those directly involved.

Responding to children in the right way is very important in helping to spread a culture of inclusion that finally breaks down even the last "social" barriers still contributing to isolation and exclusion.

The first piece of advice we want to give is not to censor a child's questions about disability as embarrassing, out of place, or "rude." Children are not born with preconceived knowledge of these topics; they have the right to ask questions about what they do not know. It is natural for them to turn to their adult reference figures for answers, just as they do for any other aspect of life and curiosity.

Disability is an objective fact—it exists, it is part of people's lives, and as such, it must be presented and explained to children so they understand that there is nothing abnormal or frightening about a person who is different from them. Disability is not a taboo; it is not something shameful that requires changing the subject.

Finding the right words and leaving room for questions promotes an empathetic attitude that allows diversity to be not only understood but also embraced as an enrichment—clearly, calmly, and skillfully. Another essential element is the use of simple yet respectful language, particularly in the choice of terminology.

In fact, it is important to remember that what we do not know is what scares us. The solution, then, is simple: knowledge is the best way to reduce both fear and distance between people.

A significant lesson can be learned from children who grow up in contexts where a parent or close relative has a disability. Although scientific research on this topic is rather scarce, studies have highlighted that, in supportive family environments, children can develop greater resilience and superior social skills, such as empathy, sensitivity, altruism, and tolerance.

Growing up with "diversity as normality" fosters the development of inclusive skills that we might define as "automatic": the "whys" stem from a need for understanding and serve to encourage acceptance without distinction.